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Our Bodies Are a Wonder

Our bodies are absolute wonders. The female body especially. We are made to think we HAVE to ENDURE the monthly torturous pain we go through. We are taught that complaining is something that no one wants to be around. We are taught that we are meant for one thing and need to be submissive to that. We are taught that we need to look good. Society was a huge factor in this. You never saw ads for Slim Fast or Tab marketed for men. It has only been the last few years that more ads are including men in their diet commercials and influencers are coming out and saying look at me, I don’t fit in ‘THAT’ box and I am healthy and happy. Yet they still are bombarded with hateful comments from people who think they should be tiny.

I remember when my oldest was less than a year old and all I felt was exhaustion. Nothing worked right. I had gained SOOO much weight because I was always told I was eating for two. I was getting up at the buck crack of stupid after NOT having slept at night to drive my then-husband over two hours to work and home again because I needed the car and then repeat that when I picked him up. Many days I would hang out at my parents' house, hoping for a small break. This one day I remember my mom looking at me and saying, ‘You should put on a bit of makeup so you look nice for when he gets off work’. I LOVED my mom, I did, however, what the actual FUCK! 

We have been made to believe that sexuality is the responsibility of the female. If we wear clothing, any type of clothing, it is our fault that men look at us with desire. If we wear nothing it is our fault that men look AND we are sluts. It doesn’t matter what we do, we are made to think that we are responsible for what men think and do when it comes to desire and sex. It is no wonder that women are clapping back. We are starting to stand up and say FUCK NO! 

The sad reality too is that women are big players in the beat down of other women. How often do we as women talk about how someone else looks in a purely negative way? How they lacking in their parenting skills? How they are too pushy and try too hard? How they have ambitions that we feel they shouldn’t have? How they don’t want children? If you wear makeup, it is too much. If you don’t wear makeup, you should. I remember when I was 13 I had a group of friends who were, let’s just say they weren’t the best. I wanted so much to be accepted and would do what was needed to be accepted. I just wanted to be included. I was a virgin at the time. They would tease me about being a virgin and then in the same conversation tell me I was a slut and a horribly dead fuck. How could I be both? I knew I had to fix this so I slept with a male friend we hung out with. I was then just called the slut. It didn’t matter what I did, it was always the thing to be spoken of by friends and family, especially family. 

I love listening to music that speaks back about all the shit women have to go through. I recently found a new singer that I really like. Her name is Sofia Isella. She has a song titled, Everyone Supports Women, and FUCK it is spot on. Here is a glimpse of the lyrics and I will put the song link below. 

Everybody supports women until a woman's doing better than you

Everybody wants you to love yourself until you actually do

It was something about her hair

So perfectly fallen

She was nice and smart and funny and got everything she wanted

And she does charity

Isn't that the most obnoxious thing you've heard

Her popularity

She's too pretty for her own good

She's probably self-centered

We hate her and she's nothing

If everybody leaves her

Then she had it coming

As a whole, we all need to support women more. 

I have heard too many stories of women who have been told that they need to live with their horrible and extremely heavy periods. Our weight is ALWAYS a factor when it comes to doctors. You are lucky when you find one who actually listens to you and wants to help. We are constantly being told that mothers are responsible for the children while the fathers ‘babysit’ them. I always struggled with that one! Even today, when women work alongside their partners, it is them who are responsible for the cooking, cleaning and childcare. Again what the actual FUCK! 

Men have a vasectomy and are told to rest for two days. Women labor for hours to days, push a melon size object out of the vagina OR are sliced open, have their organs placed onto them and a baby removed, to be told that they need to take it easy while they care for a baby and possibly other children. No wonder postpartum SUCKS and we are afraid to say that we are struggling mentally. Society has made it clear that mental health as a whole is not to be spoken about. (Okay they say to talk about it but then when you do you are told that you complain too much. So you don’t speak about it.) 

Then one day we enter this loving fucking era of our lives, the start of hell, or rather peri-menopause. The good thing and I think one of the only good things about it in today's culture of social media and women clapping back, is that more studies are being done to help us through it, along with more visibility being given to it. As a whole, women’s health is being shown more and spoken of more. It is no longer something you hide from your kids and partners. With the period simulators, men can get a tiny glimpse of what our cramps are like. I say tiny glimpse because there is so much more to them than just the cramps. The other good thing about Peri-Fucking-menopause is that it signals the start of the end of all of that. To get there, however, you need to play a real-life game of Jumanji. 

Now those of us who also have the lovely joys of chronic pain of any sort get an added layer of hell, I mean joy. No, I mean hell. My body has been in constant flare-ups lately and I was stumped as to why it is so angry when it wasn’t this time last year. Nothing much has changed except PERI-FUCKING-MENOPAUSE. What would normally be irritating to me is now, the only way I can describe it is feeling like a teenager who has been told I can’t date so and so. It is too much to handle. I can’t process it. The brain-fog. Fuck that is, well I forget what I was going to say about that. I am exhausted all the time. I hurt all the time. I feel like I am cooking from the inside out while my nerves and pain hold me hostage and demand warmth and winter clothing to fall asleep. 

I want to share something I wrote one day not too long ago. I forgot I had written it until now. I remember now why I wrote it though. I felt like people were telling me what I was capable of while also telling me that nothing was wrong. I am also in the midst of applying for disability through the government, which is a huge mind fuck in itself because I am reliving every appointment I have had trying to prove that it ‘wasn’t in my head’ or made up. Here is the entry I wrote. 

So pissed with people and with, fuck with everything. I honestly feel like I am a human punching bag and not a single person fucking cares. I mean seriously what does it take to get people to listen? Like actually listen! Not cut you off midway through what you are saying because they have already figured out what they think you are going to fucking say. Or fucking look at you like your an absolute idiot. I am tired. Tired of pain, tired of being looked at like I am faking it all, tired of feeling like I am not good enough. Just fucking tired. No this doesn’t mean I don’t love my family. It means I am tired. I thought of about 5 different ways to end my life today. I am only partially scared to do it, which in itself scares me. I feel like I am a waste of fucking space. I have zero purpose each day. Like nothing. I am too afraid to work out for fear it causes a flare up but I need to lose weight because I hate how I look.. 

My husband and I have since spoken of these feelings, even though not everything was based around him. I spoke with him because he is my safe space to talk. Together we came up with ways to better help when I have these feelings. I also explained that I needed to be the one to decide what I wanted based on pain and also promised that I would make those decisions without putting myself in further pain. 

So how can we help support women, especially those going through a bit extra in their lives? Here are some suggestions that may help. Remember though everyone is different and while they may work for one person they might not for another.

  • As I mentioned in my last post ‘Can We Talk’, discuss with your friend before or after they are struggling so that you are the help they truly need. 

  • Go and visit them, even if the visit is just sitting and watching TV with them. I remember after my first hip surgery, my sister came over to ‘babysit’ me that day. She was there to help with whatever I needed. We chatted a bit but honestly, my energy was shit and conversations were exhausting so we watched TV together all day. It was the best visit with her! 

  • Offer to pick up groceries for them or if you have that relationship, just go over and start some laundry or clean up for them. 

  • Rather than comment on what they should be doing or how you have never had that issue, listen. Just listen and try to be understanding. 

  • Most importantly, when they open up and tell you what they are experiencing with anything that is going on, even if it was something that never happened for you or your kids were ‘perfect’, DO NOT roll your eyes, sigh or give advice! 

  • Something controversial - VOTE for people who WILL support the rights of WOMEN and those who are marginalized in any way! Honestly, this is so important right now. I get you may not like THAT person but look at what that party could do in the future and what the other party will do when it comes to the rights of these individuals. You can’t say that you are a friend or ally to someone if you vote against their human rights. For me, that is a ‘there’s the door’ kinda vibe. 

  • For the love of Gawd, don’t make decisions for them! Don’t decide that they won’t want to do something. ASK THEM! They may say no but they may say yes. The act of feeling included means more to someone than you would know. 

While our bodies are wonders, we as women aren’t all that complicated to understand. We want love, respect, options, equality and most importantly BODILY ATONOMY! Let’s support each other and show the rest of the world how it is done.


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